WHAT IS IT ABOUT FOOD THAT EXCITES ,TEMPTS AND TURNS YOU ON? IN THE KITCHEN WE HAVE ALWAYS HAD OUR OWN LANGUAGE. BALL BUSTING IS A GIVEN. THE LANGUAGE CHEFS SPEAK IS THEIR OWN, A SORT OF PATOIS, PIDGIN MADE UP OF BITS AND PIECES FROM THOSE OTHERS ( FRENCH, GERMAN, SWISS, BELGIUM, ITALIAN, SPANIARDS,JAPANESE, WHATEVER.) THAT WE HAVE WORKED WITH IN THE PAST. LEARNING QUICKLY TO UNDERSTAND THE VERBAL JABS, UNDER BREATH REMARKS, AND OF COURSE THE IN YOUR FACE "WHAT IS THIS SHIT". A DEFENSE MECHANISM IN THE ULTRA COMPETITIVE CULINARY WORLD. THE ULTIMATE REWARD ? TO USE THEIR WORDS ON THEM. OF COURSE NONE OF THIS HAS ANY BEARING ON THE CHOSEN TOPIC , BUT IT IS A RITE OF PASSAGE WHEN YOU CAN WITHOUT HESITATION RIP INTO THAT ARROGANT , NO TALENT FUCK, WHO FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN HE IS FROM SOME PART OF EUROPE DECIDES THAT YOUR PRODUCT IS INFERIOR JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE AN AMERICAN. SOME OF THEM ARE BETTER OFF MAKING SHOES. AND OF COURSE THERE IS THE ABILITY TO SWEAR LIKE A SAILOR IN A DOZEN OR SO LANGUAGES-- PRICELESS. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SEE THE LOOK ON THEIR FACE.
PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS LAST STATEMENT THE WRONG WAY. MOST OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND RESPECTED COHORTS ARE EUROPEAN OF SOME SORT. I LOVE AND RESPECT THEM.
SITUATIONS LIKE THIS GIVE YOU A CHOICE. EITHER YOU GET MAD, WHICH NEVER DID ANYBODY ANY GOOD OR AS I , DECIDE TO BE BETTER THAN THEM ON ALL LEVELS. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BEAT THEM ON THERE OWN TURF AT THEIR OWN GAME. IT IS A MORE ELEGANT SOLUTION. DAMN SWEDES. THERE WAS ONE THING THAT I NEVER WAS REALLY GOOD AT, DRINKING LARGE QUANTITIES OF ALCOHOL. I AM NO WIMP, BUT DO NOT GET INTO A DRINKING SITUATION WITH A SWEDE AND EXPECT TO SURVIVE.
THE SWEETEST REWARD IS THE RESPECT SHOWN TO YOU BY OTHERS. CLAUDE , A RESPECTED SOUS CHEF, WHO REALLY, REALLY WANTED TO BE GERMAN( WHY?) GOT INTO A DISCUSSION WITH ME ABOUT THE PROPER WAY TO MAKE A MORNAY SAUCE. I EXPLAINED MY TECHNIQUE AND HE RIPPED ME WITH THE STANDARD ESCOFFIE METHOD. WHETHER YOU USE ONE OR THE OTHER DOESN'T MATTER, IT IS FINAL PRODUCT THAT DOES. FINISHED WITH MY BREAK I ROUNDED THE CORNER ONLY TO SEE AND HEAR CLAUDE " THIS KID HAS STYLE" AS HE TASTED MY SAUCE. FROM THAT POINT ON RARELY DID HE QUESTION MY ABILITY. LIKE MAJIC HE BECAME MY BEST FRIEND OF SORTS, AND I WAS HIS GO TO IN A PINCH. BUT HEY, HE WAS ALSO THE GUY WHO WANTED ME TO USE THE MOUSE AND FECAL MATTER INFESTED LENITLS ONLY BECAUSE HE WAS TO LAZY TO GO THE STOREROOM. ADD EXTRA CURRY, GARLIC AND I THINK IT FLOATS , SO GET THE SKIMMER.
SOME CHEFS NEED NOT PROVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE. THEY ARE AMONG THE STRATOSPHERE. THERE ARE NEW MEMBERS OF THIS GROUP IN SPAIN, ITALY, THE U.S., AND ALL OVER THE WORLD. THESE CULINARY GENIUSES HAVE AND WILL CONTINUE TO EXPAND THROUGH INNOVATION ,INVENTION AND IMAGINATION. ALL ROOTED FIRMLY IN THE PAST WHILE LOOKING EVERMORE TOWARDS THE FUTURE. TASTE, TEXTURES, AND VISUALS WILL BE CONTINUALLY PUSHED. EACH HAS DISPLAYED ABILITY FEW WILL EVER HOPE TO OBTAIN, WE MORTALS HOPE SOME WILL RUB OFF. TO DOUBT THEM IS PATENTLY WRONG. MAYBE WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND IMMEDIATELY,BUT ONCE WE SMELL, TASTE,AND TOUCH IT WILL BE FAMILIAR. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE THE PRODUCT LIVES UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS, NOT THE GUESTS. TO LEARN FROM THEM IS A RARE TREAT, FEW EVER GET TO EXPERIENCE. THEY TEND TO CIRCULATE ONLY WITH THOSE OF US WHO THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE.
HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED THE EARLY SUMMER AIR, SO CLEAN AND FRESH? VISITED YOUR FAVORITE FARM , CORN STILL WARM, POD PEAS, FRUITY ,LUSCIOUSNESS OF VINE TOMATOES,ALL MIXED WITH THE SCENT OF THE WELL USED WOODEN BASKETS USED TO CRADLE THEM? ORNERY SOFT SHELLS, FIESTY LOBSTERS, AND CHECK OUT THAT MARBLING.YOU KNOW INSTINCTIVELY TO NIGHTS MENU WILL ROCK. STAND BACK AND SURVEY THE BOUNTY. BECOMING INTIMATE WITH THESE,WHILE THOUGHTS OF THE COMING MEAL MAKE YOU SALIVATE. THOSE VERY THOUGHTS REMEMBERED FROM TIMES PAST STILL STIR ONES PALATE. WHO CAN DENY THE WANTON, COME ON AND TAKE ME SEXINESS OF A PERFECTLY RIPE PEACH, WHILE ITS JUICES FLOW DOWN THE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH. THE TENDER FEEL OF KNEADING DOUGH, SUPPLE YET FIRM. JEAN JACQUES ONCE TOLD ME THAT COOKING IS LIKE SEX, YOU NEED TO FEEL, TASTE, TOUCH, SOMETIMES GENTLE, SOMETIMES ROUGH. THE TRICK IS ALWAYS KNOWING WHEN.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
excitement
EXCITEMENT FOR A CHEF AVAILS ITSELF IN A MULTITUDE OF FORMS. BEYOND, AND I SHOULD HOPE THIS IS TRUE,THE NORMAL THRILL OF INCREDIBLY FRESH, HIGH QUALITY INGREDIENTS, GREAT STAFF, WORKING ENVIRONMENT AND GUESTS WITH A LUST FOR ALL THINGS CULINARY, THERE IS A DARKER SIDE.
I SUPPOSE ONE SHOULD READ BOURDAINS BOOKS. THEY ARE A REAL EYE OPENER FOR THOSE UNACCUSTOMED TO THE MYSTERIOUS INNER WORKINGS OF KITCHENS. OR EVEN WAITING, WITH ITS SOPHOMORIC HUMOR ASIDE, HONESTLY HAD ITS MOMENTS OF TOTAL CLARITY KNOWN ONLY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE.
A LONG TIME AGO MY VERY FIRST CHEF,JEAN JACQUES, MADE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT " A CHEF IS MANY THINGS, BABE". LITTLE DID I REALIZE THAT IN MY YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE HOW TRUE AND HAUNTING THAT STATEMENT WOULD BE.
IMAGINE IF YOU MAY THE CONTROLLED CHAOS , BARKING ORDERS, SWEATING COOKS, THE NOISE.THE MAYHEM INTO THIS CAME A TOTAL TWIT OF A WAITRESS HER HANDS POISED AS A MANTIS "EXCUSE ME CHEF I HAVE A QUESTION" , DREADED WORDS DURING THE RUSH, " ARE CAPERS AN ANIMAL, MINERAL OR VEGETABLE? MY CUSTOMER REALLY WANTS TO KNOW" THE LINE WENT SILENT.FOR A BRIEF MOMENT TIME ITSELF STOOD STILL, EVERYTHING SLO MO'D LIKE THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. LOOKS OF INCREDULITY OVER TOOK EACH AND EVERY COOK, WAITING FOR AN EXPLOSIVE RESPONSE. " EXCUSE ME" I SAID IN A CALM ASSERTIVE MANNER AND SIMPLY ANSWERED "VEGETABLE", AND NO I DID NOT GRAB HER NECK ALA CEASAR MILAN, ALTHOUGH THE THOUGHT DID CROSS MY MIND.MY CREW OBVIOUSLY WAS DISAPPOINTED AT MY RESTRAINT. I AM SURE THAT THE GUEST ALREADY HAD HER PEGGED AS AN IMBECILE AND JUST WANTED A GOOD LAUGH. ONE SHOULD NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE UTTER STUPIDITY OF EMPLOYEES.
DURING AN INTERVIEW FOR A WAITRESS POSITION, A SEEMINGLY PLEASANT YOUNG LADY, WAS EXPOUNDING ON HER PROWESS AS A SERVER. IN A VERY FOREST GUMP LIKE STATEMENT SHE SAID " I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF WAITRESSES, MY GRAMMY WAS A WAITRESS, MY MOMMA WAS A WAITRESS, MY SISTER AND COUSIN ARE WAITRESSES, I BEEN THERE DONE THAT TWICE OVER" OH GOOD MAYBE SHE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ANIMAL, MINERAL AND VEGETABLE CONDIMENT. HER FIRST NIGHT, HER FIRST BOTTLE OF WINE TO BE SERVED. THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THE LAWS OF LEVERAGE. AND OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THE DESIGN OF A CORK SCREW. SHE PROPERLY INSERTED THE CORK SCREW , HANDILY WEDGED THE BOTTLE IN HER ARM PIT AND PROCEEDS TO TRY AND MUSCLE OUT THE CORK. UMMM A FINE CABERNET, HINTS OF OAK,JAMMY, BERRIES, SWEAT. A FINE GASTRONOMIC EXPERIENCE, MAYBE NEXT TIME A SCREW TOP AND STRAW , ELLIE FUCKING MAE.
ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION EXCITEMENT HAS REARED ITS UGLY HEAD IN MOST UNEXPECTED WAYS. BACKED UP SEWER LINES TURNING THE FLOOR INTO AN INLAND SEA OF FLOATING DEBRIS. FAILED HVAC SYSTEMS, RUNNING OUT OF GAS, COMPRESSORS CRAPPING OUT, AND THEN THE ALL TIME FAVORITES.
FULL HOUSE- POWER OUTAGE, LAST BAG OF LENTILS- RODENT FECAL MATTER, DELIVERY ARRIVES- MISSING MINOR ITEMS SUCH AS THE STRIP LOINS( WHERES MY FUCKING STRIPS, NO TOMORROW IS TO LATE , I NEED THEM FOR TONIGHT) OR DO WE HAVE ANY MORE OF?????- HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING LOW?
LEST WE FORGET TO COVER MISHAPS THAT ADD EXCITEMENT TO A OTHERWISE MUNDANE WORK ENVIRONMENT. FOR MANY OF US IN THE KITCHEN , CUTTING , BURNING OR OTHERWISE DISFIGURING YOURSELF CAN LEAD TO HARASSMENT, RIDICULE, AND THE EVER PRESENT "CAN I SEE"---- FUCK THAT'S NASTY. HERE LET ME SQUEEZE IT "DOES IT HURT?" OF COURSE IT DOES , BUT I AM NEVER GOING TO ADMIT IT ANYWHERE ON THIS CONTINENT, NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS TO YOUR CULINARY PEERS, SUCK IT UP AND KEEP GOING. NEVER MIND THAT TRAIL OF BLOOD, SHIT WHEN DID THAT POP THE POMMES DAUPHINE, MORE SALT MORE PEPPER, NOW MIX AGAIN. COME ON MAN LETS GO , MOVE YOUR ASS. MY GRANDMA MOVES FASTER THAN YOU. IS THAT A TEAR? THERE'S NO CRYING IN THE KITCHEN, SHIT, COME ON COME ON. WIPE THOSE SPOTS ON THE PLATE. ODDLY THERE IS SOMETHING STRANGELY SATISFYING, IF NOT DISTURBING ABOUT PATCHING UP ONE OF YOUR COMRADES. OF COURSE WATCHING THEM CRAP THEIR PANTS WHEN RAW NERVOUS TISSUE MEETS SALT MAKES IT ALL WORTH WHILE. AND YES IN THE KITCHEN THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE WARPED PERSON WHO REVELS IN THE ANCIENT ART OF INJURY ABATEMENT. PAST LIVES ASIDE,KARMA IS A BITCH, HE PROBABLY WAS A HIGH PRIEST PERFORMING GENITAL BLOOD LETTINGS ON THE GOD /KINGS.
AHH YES MY FRIENDS THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG. MORE TO COME. CIAO
I SUPPOSE ONE SHOULD READ BOURDAINS BOOKS. THEY ARE A REAL EYE OPENER FOR THOSE UNACCUSTOMED TO THE MYSTERIOUS INNER WORKINGS OF KITCHENS. OR EVEN WAITING, WITH ITS SOPHOMORIC HUMOR ASIDE, HONESTLY HAD ITS MOMENTS OF TOTAL CLARITY KNOWN ONLY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE.
A LONG TIME AGO MY VERY FIRST CHEF,JEAN JACQUES, MADE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT " A CHEF IS MANY THINGS, BABE". LITTLE DID I REALIZE THAT IN MY YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE HOW TRUE AND HAUNTING THAT STATEMENT WOULD BE.
IMAGINE IF YOU MAY THE CONTROLLED CHAOS , BARKING ORDERS, SWEATING COOKS, THE NOISE.THE MAYHEM INTO THIS CAME A TOTAL TWIT OF A WAITRESS HER HANDS POISED AS A MANTIS "EXCUSE ME CHEF I HAVE A QUESTION" , DREADED WORDS DURING THE RUSH, " ARE CAPERS AN ANIMAL, MINERAL OR VEGETABLE? MY CUSTOMER REALLY WANTS TO KNOW" THE LINE WENT SILENT.FOR A BRIEF MOMENT TIME ITSELF STOOD STILL, EVERYTHING SLO MO'D LIKE THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. LOOKS OF INCREDULITY OVER TOOK EACH AND EVERY COOK, WAITING FOR AN EXPLOSIVE RESPONSE. " EXCUSE ME" I SAID IN A CALM ASSERTIVE MANNER AND SIMPLY ANSWERED "VEGETABLE", AND NO I DID NOT GRAB HER NECK ALA CEASAR MILAN, ALTHOUGH THE THOUGHT DID CROSS MY MIND.MY CREW OBVIOUSLY WAS DISAPPOINTED AT MY RESTRAINT. I AM SURE THAT THE GUEST ALREADY HAD HER PEGGED AS AN IMBECILE AND JUST WANTED A GOOD LAUGH. ONE SHOULD NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE UTTER STUPIDITY OF EMPLOYEES.
DURING AN INTERVIEW FOR A WAITRESS POSITION, A SEEMINGLY PLEASANT YOUNG LADY, WAS EXPOUNDING ON HER PROWESS AS A SERVER. IN A VERY FOREST GUMP LIKE STATEMENT SHE SAID " I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF WAITRESSES, MY GRAMMY WAS A WAITRESS, MY MOMMA WAS A WAITRESS, MY SISTER AND COUSIN ARE WAITRESSES, I BEEN THERE DONE THAT TWICE OVER" OH GOOD MAYBE SHE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ANIMAL, MINERAL AND VEGETABLE CONDIMENT. HER FIRST NIGHT, HER FIRST BOTTLE OF WINE TO BE SERVED. THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THE LAWS OF LEVERAGE. AND OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THE DESIGN OF A CORK SCREW. SHE PROPERLY INSERTED THE CORK SCREW , HANDILY WEDGED THE BOTTLE IN HER ARM PIT AND PROCEEDS TO TRY AND MUSCLE OUT THE CORK. UMMM A FINE CABERNET, HINTS OF OAK,JAMMY, BERRIES, SWEAT. A FINE GASTRONOMIC EXPERIENCE, MAYBE NEXT TIME A SCREW TOP AND STRAW , ELLIE FUCKING MAE.
ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION EXCITEMENT HAS REARED ITS UGLY HEAD IN MOST UNEXPECTED WAYS. BACKED UP SEWER LINES TURNING THE FLOOR INTO AN INLAND SEA OF FLOATING DEBRIS. FAILED HVAC SYSTEMS, RUNNING OUT OF GAS, COMPRESSORS CRAPPING OUT, AND THEN THE ALL TIME FAVORITES.
FULL HOUSE- POWER OUTAGE, LAST BAG OF LENTILS- RODENT FECAL MATTER, DELIVERY ARRIVES- MISSING MINOR ITEMS SUCH AS THE STRIP LOINS( WHERES MY FUCKING STRIPS, NO TOMORROW IS TO LATE , I NEED THEM FOR TONIGHT) OR DO WE HAVE ANY MORE OF?????- HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING LOW?
LEST WE FORGET TO COVER MISHAPS THAT ADD EXCITEMENT TO A OTHERWISE MUNDANE WORK ENVIRONMENT. FOR MANY OF US IN THE KITCHEN , CUTTING , BURNING OR OTHERWISE DISFIGURING YOURSELF CAN LEAD TO HARASSMENT, RIDICULE, AND THE EVER PRESENT "CAN I SEE"---- FUCK THAT'S NASTY. HERE LET ME SQUEEZE IT "DOES IT HURT?" OF COURSE IT DOES , BUT I AM NEVER GOING TO ADMIT IT ANYWHERE ON THIS CONTINENT, NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS TO YOUR CULINARY PEERS, SUCK IT UP AND KEEP GOING. NEVER MIND THAT TRAIL OF BLOOD, SHIT WHEN DID THAT POP THE POMMES DAUPHINE, MORE SALT MORE PEPPER, NOW MIX AGAIN. COME ON MAN LETS GO , MOVE YOUR ASS. MY GRANDMA MOVES FASTER THAN YOU. IS THAT A TEAR? THERE'S NO CRYING IN THE KITCHEN, SHIT, COME ON COME ON. WIPE THOSE SPOTS ON THE PLATE. ODDLY THERE IS SOMETHING STRANGELY SATISFYING, IF NOT DISTURBING ABOUT PATCHING UP ONE OF YOUR COMRADES. OF COURSE WATCHING THEM CRAP THEIR PANTS WHEN RAW NERVOUS TISSUE MEETS SALT MAKES IT ALL WORTH WHILE. AND YES IN THE KITCHEN THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE WARPED PERSON WHO REVELS IN THE ANCIENT ART OF INJURY ABATEMENT. PAST LIVES ASIDE,KARMA IS A BITCH, HE PROBABLY WAS A HIGH PRIEST PERFORMING GENITAL BLOOD LETTINGS ON THE GOD /KINGS.
AHH YES MY FRIENDS THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG. MORE TO COME. CIAO
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